


Dear Diary.

by ClariceSansnom



Category: Original Work
Genre: Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 07:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11077266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClariceSansnom/pseuds/ClariceSansnom
Summary: A midnight drabble.





	Dear Diary.

**Author's Note:**

> Be nice, please. This is real.

Dear diary.

Tonight my heart was broken. Tonight I am utterly angry with myself.

There was this guy and he was nice and he was smart and he made me smile and he seemed to know my taste in music right from the start and I have never met anyone who was so different yet so similar. 

And I let myself fall for him. And I let myself dream of mornings with him next to me in my bed with the sun tingling in his hair.

But I am broken, I always have been.

Ever since my father touched me in way he shouldn´t have, ever since I was tainted with all the weight my parents made me carry. I know it´s not my fault, I do. It still doesn´t change the fact that I should have known.

I should have known life wasn´t going to be as rich for me. I should have known there is no perfect match for me out there. That is not how life works for me. For everyone else, maybe. Not for me.

With all the talents I have, I am unable to keep a job for a year. With all the friends I have, I am unable to trust enough to sleep with someone.

My life is this broken, clustered mess of beginnings never ended, of confessions never spoken, of normalcies never lived.

And now I feel raw. My heart exposed, ripped right out through the space between my shoulder blades, my tears barely there and already dried around sore eyes, tired of seeing.

Formally, I would have turned to the blade to take it away. A small cut on my wrist would have been enough for this. But I am not a child anymore, self-harm will not make anything better, and it will not be noticed because I know how to hide it right, and I will not be helped. So what would I hurt myself for.

Or I might have cried for hours on end. But I should have seen this coming, it was the third time I let myself fall in love, when I know I won´t be deemed worthy. I know I am, don´t get me wrong. But I also know no one shares that opinion. So what would I cry for.

For a life I will never lead? A love I will never find? A job I will never keep?

What for?

So tonight I am utterly angry with myself.

I was walking through life with this sheer stupidity, this unbelievable naivité that I could just strip my past away and have someone to love me back.

That is not who I am and should have known better.


End file.
